Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Emails

Email can be an invaluable form of communication. That said, it can also make for an endless inbox offering me a new mortgage, penis enhancements for the penis I do not have, easy access to prescription medication, and a variety of other useless spam. Sometimes I feel like all I do is delete crap. I also delete crap that people I actually know forward to me after someone they presumably know forwarded it to them. I feel like I'm extending my fellow human beings a courtesy by stopping the cycle. I know, I know.....it will continue with or without the miniscule role I play in all of this.

I did want to share with you an email I actually read this morning because I did find it mildly amusing. If you're not from St. Louis you won't find it funny but if you are I think it's worth a quick read through. I do not know where it originated.

ST. LOUIS BARBIE Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the St. Louis Market:


Chesterfield Barbie
This princess Barbie is sold only at Chesterfield Mall. She comes with
an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired foreign
dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without
tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.

Florissant Barbie
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar
Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full
time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

East St. Louis Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis
knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab Kit. This model
is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably
small, untraceable bills). Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

Ladue Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer
H2. Included are her Starbucks cup, credit card and country club
membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private
School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

Granite City Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a
six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-hair Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Clayton Barbie
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print
outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet
prescription available.

Imperial Barbie
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased
beer-gutted Ken out of Arnold Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

Tower Grove Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks.She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a Ken doll,but if you purchase two Tower Grove Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon,you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

Ferguson Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy
were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition
of the infant.

St. Charles County Barbie
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is 'cause he's
always hunting.

Central West End Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by
simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts.

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