Really?

Pre-Op Liquid Diet began 6/26/11

Lap-Band Surgery 6/29/11

As of today I am down 21 lbs.

Looks good on paper but I’m kind of frustrated. I’ve been doing everything they tell me to do. I’m eating my protein first. I’m eating slowly. I’m getting 64+ ounces of water per day. I have exercised every day since Friday 7/8. I started seeing a personal trainer who I have been to twice this week. The scale hasn’t moved in like 10 days. It is soooo aggravating.

Yes

The answer is yes. Yes I knew this blog has been sitting here untouched for the past 5 years. (5 years? Oh My God!) Why did I let it sit so long without taking it down? Perhaps there was always this little voice inside me who knew there would be a day when she would want to be heard again.

Yes I am still a complainer (see also whiner, crabby bitch, etc.) I am still wickedly sarcastic, sardonic, and witty. Guess what though? I’m also another 5 years older than the last time we spoke? What has changed in the last 5 years? My answer is both everything and nothing. It was never the subject of this blog but I have had a lifelong addiction. I am a compulsive overeater. I’ve struggled with it my entire life. Since I turned 35 6 months ago I have come to the realization that I, an obsessive compulsive smart and capable woman, no longer have any excuses as to why I do not have this addiction under control. Like most overweight people I have been on the diet roller coaster my entire life. About 10 years ago I vowed never to diet again and have kept that vow except for about a 1 year period which coincided with the actual original writing of this blog where I had a semi-successful attempt at the Atkins diet and took off about 50 lbs which I have spent the last 5 years gaining back.

I’m not going to bore you with all of the details. 35 is a scary age though. It’s time to grow up in a lot of ways. In beginning my new journey I had some things in my favor. While I am extremely overweight I have no other health problems. No co-morbidity issues (diabetes, cholesterol, sleep apnea, etc.) I found this statement I made on this blog over 5 years ago, “I need to stop just going through the motions of my life and dealing with the hand I’ve been dealt. I’m attempting to make it into what I want it to be instead of what’s easiest for me.” Those are some pretty powerful words. They are so much truer today than I could have even imagined when I wrote them so long ago. So here’s what I did. I decided to have Lap-Band surgery. My surgery was Wednesday June 29, 2011. I am 4 days from my surgery today. I am on a liquid diet through Wednesday and as of Wednesday I get to start incorporating other foods into my diet. I feel fine.

I look forward to sharing my new Lap-Band journey and constant sarcasm with you. I look forward to saying Yes to life.

6 Months +

I know. It's been over 6 months since you've seen a post. Why are you still visiting? I might be contemplating a mediocre return to blogging. Quick, someone talk me out of it.

Untitled

I can’t believe next week is Thanksgiving. Where does the time go?

In reference to my previous post: I spent Yom Kippur working and not even thinking about the fact that it was a Jewish holiday. I got in a beautiful 1920s art deco dining room set that day and started going through the motions of cleaning it up, restoring some of the rough spots, and placing it in a room setting. When I opened one of the doors on the sideboard I saw that there was something inside. There were two sets of tefillin inside the sideboard. One set was in a handmade bag that had the year 1919 embroidered on it. Don’t worry, I’ll get neither sentimental nor metaphorical on you right now. I won’t regale you with tales of my newfound belief or impress you with how I’ve changed my ways because that would all be false. Even I, the eternal pessimist, must admit I found this to be kind of mystical though. I cut out of work early. I put on my hiking boots and spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around the fall foliage being thankful for the turns my life has taken in the past year, the opportunity to spend some time looking within myself, and for finding the tefillin which reminded me to take some time out to be spiritual even if I couldn’t be religious.

Some Introspection at the Last Minute

Where does one start when one has been avoiding one’s blog for roughly 3-4 months? I take it back. “Avoiding” implies that I had the intention to write and never got around to it when that’s really not the case. Let’s say I have chosen to live my life lately instead of to write about it. My new schedule doesn’t afford me the endless time in front of a computer that my previous one did. It’s definitely a good thing.

I’m not going to summarize my summer for you or apologize for not writing because a summary would be incredibly boring and the apology would be totally insincere. I’m not sorry. I am shocked though that you continue to check in every day. I can’t believe my absence doesn’t make a single difference regarding how many hits I get each day. You have held out far longer than I ever would have.

I’m a girl approaching 30 faster than a freight train. Today is the eve of the holiest day of the year. I continue to challenge and question my faith daily. I will try to right my wrongs of the previous year and ask for forgiveness but I just can’t get on board with every aspect of the holiday right now. It’s not in me. L'shanah tovah.

In the same sentence she can make me feel almost 30 years old, 13 years old, and even 3 years old. She doesn’t even do it in a clever way worthy of my intellect. She just does it in the same self-serving way she has always done it.

Finally There's a Post

I can’t believe it’s nearly August 1st. You can’t believe that I never post anymore and that every time I do manage a dull and uninspired post I feel the need to comment on the fact that I don’t post that much anymore. I can’t believe that each time I look at my statcounter I still get exactly the same amount of hits per day whether I post or not. You can’t believe I’m still checking my statcounter. You and I kind of have a dysfunctional relationship. Oh well…

I’m constantly in and out of St. Louis. I could go from E. St. Louis to an auction in Clayton to Gasconade County all in the course of one workweek. I must say that I do feel like I’m accomplishing a lot though. For the first time in a little over two years I feel like I’m doing what I should be doing. It feels good to know I’m doing something worthwhile for myself instead of pushing papers around a cubicle and creating things for someone else.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is one of my very favorite movies ever so, of course, I had to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as soon as it came out. Am I the only one who wasn’t in love with this movie? I hated the way Willy Wonka was portrayed as a sad man trying to make up for his unhappy childhood. I would choose the original movie about candy and naïveté over the new one with it’s flashy digital oompa loompas and psychological back story any day.

I realize I may be chastised for what I’m about to say. I’m going to go ahead and throw it out there though. I think The Andy Milonakis Show on MTV is great. I know what some of you are saying. I’ll save you the trouble. How can she possibly like Andy Milonakis? He’s juvenile, offensive, and totally ridiculous. Yes he is. Does anyone else like it? Please tell me I’m not the only one who has the sense of humor of a 13-year-old boy sometimes.